


Be still, fragile heart

by AlecWinchester



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Alec has no time for homophobes, Alec snaps, BAMF Alec Lightwood, Gen, M/M, Magnus is super proud, head of the institute Alec giving epic speeches, love is love, tw: the use of homophobic slurs
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-04
Updated: 2017-12-04
Packaged: 2019-02-10 10:06:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,676
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12909672
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AlecWinchester/pseuds/AlecWinchester
Summary: Because no, after everything Alec has worked for, everything he has suffered, every word, every push-back from the Clave, every tear and scream, every step forward and back, it lead to this moment. It's Alec's turn to help, to create a better world, he will not retreat, no, someone needs his help, one of his people need him, and he's damn well not gonna just stand there. He's gonna fight, this is his institute after all.-----Or the one where a fellow Shadowhunter gets called a slur and Alec will not stand for it.tw: use of homophobic slurs





	Be still, fragile heart

**Author's Note:**

> Hello lovelies, so look, I know that it's been a rough few days, our lives flipped upside down, our hearts dragged through the mud. Anyway, hi yes, my name is Sam and I'm still angry, I am sick of the silence and the injustice to this is what came out of this.
> 
> To [Madi](https://twitter.com/happiermalec), my angel, my sunshine, you are my support, my inspiration and [Nin](https://twitter.com/malteser_24), thank you for the aesthetic and also dealing with my messiness ily v much, you helped me so much with this, and of course my softies and team heartbreakers. I don't know what I would do without you all.
> 
> This little fic, it's dedicated to all my fellow LGBTQ+ angels, I love you and I stand beside you, through thick and thin, I am so sorry, but I will not stop fighting for you, for all of us, for a better world.

Alec was having an oddly good day, demon activity was low, his paperwork was minimal; it was probably one of the least stressful day he's had in awhile since taking over as the Head of the Institute. Not to mention, Magnus was also having a calm day, so he was able to come over to the Institute for lunch, Alec smiled at the thought, it may have been only a few hours since he woke cuddled in Magnus' arms, but he still misses him. Alec glanced at his phone, a giddy feeling rising in his chest as he realized that Magnus should be here soon. 

He continued his trip to his office, a little jump in his step as he thought about it, seeing Magnus was always the brightest spot of his day. Even on the darkest of days, he never failed to make Alec feel good, protected and loved. He was the sun; bright and warm, with a heart spun from the finest of gold and a soul so brilliant it could burn you if you got too close, and Alec—Alec would gladly burn.

His phone chimed and Alec quickly fished it out of his pocket, smile widening when he saw it was Magnus, it quickly opened the text, a giddy feeling rising in his chest as he read it.

 ** _Magnus:_** _Hey darling, just finishing up with a client and then I'm making my way to you ;) Maybe we can go to that small little café at that sea side town in Australia you like? Adelaide was it?_  

Alec bit his lip as he replied in confirmation. He could really use some warmth. New York was freezing and as much as Alec's inner New Yorker could appreciate the snow, he would never say no to spending time in the sun, especially with Magnus. He let his brain wander a bit, his heart lurching pleasant as he remembered the airy clothes Magnus wore the last time they were there; how he looked laughing on the beach, eyes shining under the sun. Yeah, going there for lunch...and maybe a little more, sounded like just what Alec needed.

He was lost in his thoughts as made his way, his brain and heart completely wrapped in Magnus when he hears it, and like lightning, his thoughts of his boyfriend are gone in a flash.

 _"Shut up, you little fag."_ A voice down a hall says.

 _Yeah,"_ another voice chimes in, full of teasing laughter _, “you don't get to decide you disgusting fag."_

Alec lurches to a stop, the blood in his veins turning to ice, his body cold all over as the word registers in his mind.

_Fag_

Someone in his Institute was just called—Alec can feel his heart start to pound, inching it's way up his throat, until all he could hear was his blood rushing wildly in his ears. A person, one of _his_ people was just called a _fag_ , by another person in _Alec's Institute._

 _How dare they?_  

Alec felt sick, and for a split second he was at loss, suddenly young and afraid; scared of coming out of the closet, scared of this very thing happening him. For a moment Alec can't breathe and he wants to retreat within himself like he used to and hide behind a well-built wall. His chest feels tight and he can almost taste fear at the back of his mouth. But then there's another laugh, cruel and teasing and Alex shakes it off. Because no, after everything he has worked for, everything he has suffered, every word, every pushback from the Clave, every tear and scream, every step forward and back, it lead to this moment. It's Alec's turn to help, to create a better world, he will not retreat, no, someone needs his help, _one of his people need him_ , and he's damn well not gonna just stand there. He's gonna fight, this is his institute after all and Alec does not stand for any sort of discrimination, especially slurs, in no matter what context, but especially when aimed at his fellow LGBTQ+ Shadowhunters.

His fists clenched at his side, _no_ , he would not let anyone else feel the fear, the shame, that Alec has gone through. He would not let anyone else suffer like he did, simply because of who they are, _of who they love_.

He could feel his face contort in anger, the previous ice freezing his veins fading, replaced by the fire of justice, burning bright and hot.

Alec took a deep breath, and all he saw was red.

\------

Alec turned around from his path to his office and stormed down the hall towards the voices, he turned the corner to see two Shadowhunters cornering another against the wall. He saw it was Josh, one of his younger trainees, new to the field, and Alec felt a protective surge course through him. The boys hassling him were just taking advantage. Alec's jaw twitched.

The one closest to Alec, who he recognized as Jake, who had always rubbed Alec the wrong way, and now he knows why, laughed out loud as Josh flinched as they advanced on him. His friend, Blake, he thinks, chuckles too.

He walked over behind them, purposefully quiet and let his eyes connect with Josh, who's eyes widened in response as he saw Alec, and Alec couldn't help but feel a little prideful when Josh stood a little taller.

Alec nodded at him once, straightened to his full height and let cold fury overtake him, "Excuse me, gentlemen, am I _interrupting_ something?"

He smirked, a little smug when they freeze at the sound of his voice, and spin to face him.

"Um no," Jake stuttered out.

"No sir, nothing." Blake rushed out after.

Alec raised an eyebrow, "Really?"

They both nodded and tried to leave but Alec moved to block them.

"You know what I think?" His jaw twitched in anger, " _I think_ , I just heard you two call a fellow Shadowhunter a very derogatory word, what was it?" Alec paused, feeling sickened as he geared up to say it, "oh yeah, I think you both called Josh here, a fag."

They both shook their heads frantically, but Alec continued, "Is that how you think of him, of homosexual people, how you think of _me_?"

"No!" Blake exclaimed, "No sir, it was just a joke."

"It's not that serious, honestly. We were just teasing, by the angel!" Jake scoffed and crossed his arms in defiance.

Alec laughed out loud, not believing what he was hearing, "A joke? You think this is a fucking _joke_?" He gritted his teeth in anger at the pure ignorance he was seeing, "both of you," he nodded at Blake and Jake, "report to the control centre in five minutes, no buts, Josh come with me."

Josh nodded silently and without a glance back, Alec walked away.

\-----

They headed straight to his office and closed the door after Josh followed him in. He took a calming breath and turned to the kid and asked, as softly as he could manage, "Are you ok?"

He nodded back.

"It's ok if you're not" Alec reassured, looking Josh in the eye, "I know how much it can hurt, it hurt me just to hear that."

Josh's eyes filled with tears and he glanced away, biting his lip to prevent the tears from falling, and Alec could feel fury fill his body once again, _how dare they hurt him like this?_ Alec wanted to scream, punch something and cry himself all at the same time. He was so sick of this injustice, this _ignorance_ aimed at a community that has been discriminated and demonized for so _goddamn_ long. It was time for Alec to do something.

"I—" Josh paused, as if unsure, Alec smiled encouragingly," I'm ok Mr. Lightwood—"

"Alec, just call me Alec."

Josh nodded, "Alec...I just—it did hurt, it made me feel sick and weak, but I'm used to it."

Alec shook his head fiercely, "You shouldn't be, ever, don't accept it ok? Don't let them degrade you like that, you deserve better."

Josh sniffed, wiping his nose with his sleeve, but said nothing.

"Josh," Alec insisted, he looked up, "do you hear me? You are not weak, you _are not_ wrong for being who you are, and know that if need to talk, I am here to help."

Josh smiled grateful, "Thank you...Mr—Alec, I know."

"Good," Alec said, "now can you do me a favour?"

"Yeah sure."

"Can you go find my sister, Isabelle, and tell her to gather the Institute in the control centre please."

"Yessir," Josh nodded, and he was out the door.

\----

Once alone, Alec himself took a deep breath, preparing himself for what was about to come. He couldn't stay silent about this, not now, it would be an insult to the LGBTQ+ community, _to himself_.

_Fag_

Alec shivered just thinking of the word, feeling shaky himself.

He took another breath. He would not be a good leader if he didn't address this-- actually, no, he wouldn't be a good person period. Alec scrubbed a hand down his face, and closed his eyes, just for a moment, gathering his courage. He opened them a beat later, determination flowing through his blood, he set his shoulders back, letting a rare confidence fill him, and walked out his office door.

 _It was time to be brave_.

\-----

When Alec stepped into the control centre he saw Isabelle had gathered everyone and was standing right in front of the crowd, Jace, Clary and Josh with her. He locked eyes briefly with her, and she tilted her head questioningly and Alec shook his head minutely, smiling reassuringly as he took his place on the raised platform.

Alec could feel himself trembling, terrified about what he was going to do, but he pushed it down. He wasn't going to be silent anymore, he wasn't going to take it, it was time, he was going to do this, not only for others, but for himself to.

Alec was terrified, but he started talking anyway, "Something happened today, something horrible--and cowardly, something I wish never did, but I feel obligated to address it," he paused shortly and looked around some more, feeling a burning conviction ignite within him when he found Jake and Blake, _those bastards_ , hovering like cowards at the back. He stood taller, the anger coming back tenfold, fueling his next words, "Blaketon Blackworth, Jake Blithwood, please come forward. Now."

Alec could see even from where he was, their faces contort in horror at being called out, and Alec smirked internally, _good let them know what it feels like to be targeted._ They walked slowly up to the front of crowd, hunched over in on themselves as all eyes followed them. Alec cleared his throat, and all eyes were back on him, "Today, these two young men, targeted another Shadowhunter, and they used a term, coined as hate speech, and laughed about it. Boys," Alec addressed them directly, "want to remind me what exactly you said?"

Both boys shook their heads, staring at the floor. The temperature in the room dropped. Alec was done with this bullshit.

"That wasn't a request, soldiers," Alec growled, _just let them try to disobey, let them **try**_ **.**

They glanced at each other before muttering together, " _Fag"_

"I'm sorry," Alec, gritted out, "I didn't quite hear that. What. Did. You. Say?"

"Fag," They repeated, louder this time, a shocked murmur went through the crowd, but Alec held up a hand silencing everyone.

"A fag, these boys called a colleague, a friend-one of ours, a fag," Alec's voice trembled with anger and sadness, but he continued, " I am utterly disgusted, horrified, sickened, that this word has been used in the walls of my Institute. This isn't ok, it will never be. I am ashamed today, that this must be something that is discussed, but it must be done. The use of slurs aimed at the LGBTQ+ community is just a bit of the numerous injustices the community has suffered through again and again over so many years." Alec took a breath, his previous fear completely dissipated, "it is completely unacceptable in this day and age to use such words as fag. It is derogatory and hurtful. It is not just a joke, it is not _just_ a word, it doesn't matter what context it is used in, _it is wrong_. Can you imagine what it's like? To be hated and demonized, just for who you are, _for you who love?_ "

Alec paused, and looked around at the crowd, everyone was silent. His eyes moved until he made eye contact with Isabelle, who had tears glistening in her eyes. She smiled at him, the calm in the storm, and nodded, always so supportive, his rock, prompting him to continue. He smiled back and kept going, "It cannot continue like this, I will not stand for it, I am sick and tired of people, no different than you, all just skin and bones, being subjected to this abuse. We cannot ignore this, and I can't stay silent about this. I am _done_ , and you should be too. It is 2017, we cannot sweep this under the rug, like it has been so many times in the past. It is deplorable. Silence and ignorance are our worst enemies. Now more than ever, we must stand together, no matter who we are and who we love. We are stronger together and we have to combat this toxic hate if we are to build a better world, for the ones we love, for our families, friends, our children; the futures generations. We need to create a safe space where everyone feels safe, and this Institute is going to be one. I will fight for it, but I need you, all of you to fight for it too. Fight for each other, support each other, love each other. Please, it is time for a change. It is time to stand up and fight for what is right."

He turned his eyes back to the two boys—the two cowards, his jaw clenching, itching to tear them apart with his hands, but he remains calm and speaks, directly to them, "You both, you should be ashamed of the words you spoke today, you are weak, immature boys, unworthy of being called Shadowhunters. You are meant to be protectors and yet, you are attacking your own, if I were anyone else I would immediately transfer you from this Institute to somewhere else. But I will not be so kind to give you a fresh start, you don't deserve that, you're gonna stay here, and be reminded every day of what you said, you will carry the shame on your shoulders until you learn. Your weapons will be taken away as you will not be needing them while tending the archives in the basement, you will see me in my office everyday, however, before you do any of that, you will be held in your rooms for 15 days under lock, because you just committed a crime. If you so much as glance _at anyone_ in the wrong way again, you will be going straight to Idris. You are a disappointment to all Shadowhunters, I am ashamed myself to have you in my Institute, however I will happily bear the weight if it means I get to take two homophobes off the streets and teach _them just how wrong they are_."

The next words Alec spoke were aimed at the entire Institute, "Do not test me on this, do not try and contradict me, I will not tolerate any sort of discrimination in this Institute, not today, not tomorrow, not ever. Everyone is to be treated with the upmost respect. I don't care, there will be no more hate. If you think I will, just try and test me. Am I clear?"

He could see everyone nod, "Good, you're dismissed, please escort Mr. Blackworth and Mr. Blithwood away." He glanced at Josh, smiling as Josh mouthed a _thank you_ to him, with a big smile on his own face. Alec then gave the room one last nod of acknowledgement and left, having to physically restrain himself from running all the way back to his office.

\------

Once there he shut the door quickly and bent over his desk, trembling. He felt out of control, terrified, wild. He actually did it, he took a stand. He could feel himself shaking all over, from adrenaline or fear, he doesn't know. But Alec is starkly reminded of that fated wedding all that time ago, when he first came out, when he decided that he wasn't going to hide anymore, when he decided to fight for himself, to fight for love. He let himself smile, he felt good, he felt brave, he felt _alive_.

He closed his eyes for a brief second, trying to calm himself, only to be startled as Izzy came bursting through his office door, tears streaming down her beautiful face, but she was smiling and before he could utter a word, she swept him up in a strong hug, before pulling back slightly "Alec, I am so proud of you, so, so proud." And suddenly Alec was crying, tears he hadn't realized were gathered in his eyes freely falling and he smiled back, because he was proud of himself too. He pulled her back into a the hug, still shaking like a leaf, but ok, he was okay.

They finally pulled away, wiping their tears away, Alec still felt as electric as a live-wire, vibrating and shaky, but before he could say anything else, a gasped " _Alexander_ " was uttered from the doorway of his office, and Alec's heart stopped.

 _Magnus_.

He looked up from Isabelle to see Magnus standing in the doorway, a vision and Alec felt his breathe catch. _Magnus was here_. He let his eyes rove down Magnus' body, taking in his colourful, fitted clothes before moving back up to his face, his usually perfect make up smudged under his eyes as if he had been crying, Alec could feel his heart in his throat, _Magnus had been here for his speech_.

And just like that, Alec was reaching for him, and Magnus didn't even hesitate a second, shaking his head in awe as he advanced towards Alec, a trembling smile on his face. They collided messily, Magnus' hands desperately stroking up Alec's chest before reaching for his face, caressing his cheeks, while Alec tried to wrap himself around Magnus, arms eventually settling tightly his waist, and finally Alec could breathe properly, a tension he didn't know he was holding, falling from his shoulders all at once. Magnus' hands on him; his very presence brought him down to Earth, grounding him, instilling a calm in Alec like no other.

They stared at each other for a moment, unsteady smiles mirrored on their faces, and a few tears slipped from Magnus' golden-brown eyes.

"Why are you crying, Mags? Don't cry." Alec frowned.

Magnus just shook his head, laugh watery, "I'm crying because I am so proud of you, i always knew that one we would be here, I always knew the strength you had in you, I am just grateful that I am here, beside you."

Now Alec was crying again, he leaned his forehead against Magnus', their tears mingling, "It's because of you, Magnus, you have always believed in me, you're always been there with me." Alec could feel his lips tremble in effort to control the onslaught of emotions, "I would've never come this far without you."

Magnus shook his head once again, and then he was leaning up, smattering kisses all over Alec's face, "I love you, oh god, I love you IloveyouIloveyou," He kissed Alec on the lips once, hard and fast, "You are amazing, everything you said out there, I have never been so proud, I cannot wait to see you change the world, my brave boy, _my angel_."

"I—" Alec was trembling now and like always, Magnus knew just what he need and pulled him in close, letting Alec bury his face in his shoulder.

Magnus softly stroked his hair, "Shhhh, my darling, you did so good, so, so good. I know how scared and overwhelmed you are, it's okay, my love, it's ok, shhhhh, this is a step forward, a step towards a better future."

Alec sniffed and pulled back, "But what if I can't do it? What if things don't change?"

"Shhh, baby, don't doubt yourself, it will take time, but we will fight for this, I will be there right beside you, every step of the way, and so will your sister, your parabatai, biscuit,"

Alec glanced up, he almost forgot about his sister, he found her standing in the doorway with Jace and Clary, they were all smiling, Alec bit his lip nervously.

"Hey," Magnus brought his hand to Alec's cheek, getting his attention back on him, "we're all here with you, we're in this together ok? We are going to do this, we are going to make a better world together."

Alec nodded slowly, reassurance feeling his soul, knowing he had the people he loved most standing with him, "together, I like the sound of that." He glanced his friends--and family by the door once more, before meeting Magnus' eyes, "but I—I'm sacred."

Magnus smiled sadly, "I know sweetheart, I know."

"What people don't want this change, the Clave, other Shadowhunters, even other Downworlders—what if they want to stick to their old traditional ways. I don't want that, it's time for a change, tradition needs to change, especially those based on ignorance, I meant what I said in the control centre, I want to create a better future, for us all. I am ready to fight for this."

Magnus smirked, "Well then darling, if you're ready I am too, let's fight for this future, just let them try and stop us."

\--

End Scene.

**Author's Note:**

> And there you have lovelies. I need you to remember that you are loved, by me and by the universe, you deserve everything. I am here always. Xoxo. S.


End file.
